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Saturday, November 7th, 2009
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12:47 am - As Above, So Below
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In spoiler free comment -- Supernatural continues to be clever rather than pretentious :) (also a show that can be watched repeatedly and actually get better for the depth of focus... one in the eye for patronising gits who think TV should be getting away with being less satisfying than the proverbial Chinese take-away).
...
And as a thought for the day -- "The universe is full of elegant and satisfying answers, but their truth and relevance to the individual is in proportion to ones relationship with the question."
(aka in reductio ad absurdum -- 'Ask a silly question...')
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| Sunday, November 1st, 2009
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7:20 am - After The Fire
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Then you have the answers. Which, as it happens, turned out to be mostly 'no'. But I'm enjoying my enjoying my usual leaf-smoke-scented post-ritual buzz, mellowed into contentment. Sacrifice is what it is, and I've learned from it (and the lesson is not -- oops, sorry I asked).
Plus, there was magic in the day, and it looks like the remaking went well.
And I'm not about to spit on my luck.
[btw people, if you decide to take a leak the other side of a gate from where there's candle and flame flickering and someone talking softly in otherwise pitch darkness* on Halloween night... Well, just consider that it might be a good idea not to.]
* and yes I totally forgot about the automatic light sensor but it didn't fire up once.
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| Saturday, October 31st, 2009
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8:59 pm - Do You Remember?
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I've been getting a little worried about Caspar, the cat who lives next door whose at least partially blind in one eye (and whose people claimed that he always had the bad eye when we casually mentioned it -- as if we wouldn't have noticed that he was a perfectly normal kitten). Anyhow, I'm pretty sure they're leaving him outside a deal more than a one-eyed cat should be (given he's small, loses most fights with other cats, and we're as urban as you can get with lots of parked cars and speeding motorists using the back and front road as rat runs) and his repeated requests to be let in have a lot more effect on me than his people.
Which was how I happened to be talkin with him this morning about disturbing the wren I'd been watching(because he was birding from the top of our fence -- his black and white patches blend extremely well into the half black daubed paintwork and exposed weathered wood of the backside of the neighbour's fence). And that was when somewhere between eight and a dozen long-tailed tits flew in. (No we really are absolutely in the town, almost as town centre as you can get, and they shouldn't be flying anywhere near, but... and yanno halloween) They're just beautiful in flight, even though they always seem to be yelling at each other, chirruping high and very loudly, tails tucked then spread. And I had to wave them on because they were coming in to land almost within paw-reach of a very very interested Caspar who was suddenly not at all worried about my intentions (which were 'you - your side of the fence, please'). They chirruped annoyance and moved on, and I was nearly back indoors when I realised they'd done a wide circuit and come back -- resulting in me pointing at the cat, while telling a long-tail sat about four feet from me in the hazel (and I think two friends in the jasmine 'don't you see? it's a bloody cat?'. After which Caspar was entirely insulted and wobbled along the couple of yard of fence onto his balcony, and started calling his people again (still to no effect)
But oh, with the autumn sunshine, and the chill, and the black and white and powder-puff pink and the apple and jasmine... It was beautiful.
And if you don't know the other story... some many years ago I was walking Isa and there was a godawful row of chirruping... and I saw a ring of blue and long-tailed tits one the ground, a bunch more yelling encouragement from the trees, and in the centre two little hawks engaged in combat. So I went across, and the ring flew up but the two fighters didn't. And I picked them up, one in each hand, still locked together, and gave them a brief lecture the main point of which was 'I could have been a cat -- that'd have sorted both of you' while I untangled their claws from each other, and checked for damage done. Then I opened my hands and felt them roll over and kick off into the air. It was... magic.
(And deus ex machina)
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| Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
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1:52 am - On The Premises
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And my short story "The Hard Place" (originally - Between a Rock and a Hard Place) took 3rd prize in this quarter's (or maybe that's third's?) On The Premises short story competition.
I'm quite chuffed. (And also rather lucky that the premise entirely fitted an existing story that happened to not be out at another market in time for me to enter it)
[You know, I like when other people enjoy my stories -- but I also rather like when their appreciation involves money.]
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| Monday, October 12th, 2009
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3:11 am - That's All That Matters Now, No Matter What.
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I was never a Boyzone fan -- but it was Stephen Gately's voice caught my attention (and handed me over to Ronan Keating) so that I listened to this song.
There's music that soundtracks your life -- that knocks you off your high horse or picks you up and dusts you down, that makes you cry or starts the mend on a broken heart, that encourages you to say hello or helps you say goodbye. (It can be poetry to music or a few lines of doggerel sung from the heart -- what matters is whether it speaks to you, whether you invest it with meaning)
I've not learnt a lot of lyrics by heart since I was a teenager (prior to that I used to absorb sponge-like) -- but this song I can happily sing to myself. And when I do, it's his voice I'm singing along with.
Without Stephen Gately, I might never have listened -- there are a lot of songs written that I've never heard and likely will never hear, even though they play in the background while I'm in HMV or embellish the soundtrack to a favourite tv show -- and my life would be just a little different (or maybe a lot different) if I hadn't heard this one.
I'm not a grief-stricken fan. There are quite a lot of people in the world whose lives mean more to me. But when I heard he was dead I remembered him for this song. For making it stick in my head. For the little bit of my world that he influenced.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQyRJy-EV6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Tmbu7T2Xso
Thank you, Stephen.
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| Friday, October 2nd, 2009
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7:07 pm - Well There's Nice
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In other news, I'm a top ten finalist at 'On the Premises' and I got passed up to General O'Neill at Stargate Command John O'Neill at Black Gate.
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| Monday, September 28th, 2009
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6:27 pm - But This Summer Isn't Over Yet
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Anyhow, this morning started way too early because my brother'd rung the hospital at 8 am and they couldn't tell us when our clinic appointment was today -- there wasn't any record of one. So, his duty done, resident brother went back to bed and left me to seek out intelligent life. After several phone calls to various places it was confirmed that the appointment hadn't been made last Friday and one was duly made for 2.10 pm
( Hey, I'm starting in media res... )
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1:08 am - Seih Ou Tei, Seih Ou Tei, Sei Ettain
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I would much appreciate it if anyone who feels I owe them would let me know -- IM, email, or a comment here as suits you. And if anyone is aware of someone who considers themselves to hold a marker from me, please pass on this request.
Thank you.
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| Saturday, September 26th, 2009
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1:05 am - ICONS!
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There is a bunch of news I should probably be talking about but don't want to... along with some writing comments that would be fun... but a good meme is more fun!
From ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) stillnotbored
Comment to this entry saying 'ICONS!' and I will pick 6 of your icons. Make an entry in your own journal and talk about the icons I picked.
These are the icons stillnotbored picked for me to talk about.
( Read more... )
[And I *really* need to clean out and update the icons I don't use so much...]
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| Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
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2:40 am - And If You Thought That Last Post Sounded Weak
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Apart from trying to survive the summer...
A couple of weeks ago -- with me having pushed and persuaded and been yelled at for some months -- the GP discovered my mother was anaemic... Not a little bit anaemic but OMG take these tablets invasive testing begin anaemic.
She is in the middle of tests for various cancers.
Which we do not think she has, but...
As she says, she keeps telling them that she's been ill like this since February (and gradually worsening before) but the GP insists it must have been sudden onset and therefore cancer. Of course, if it isn't cancer we'll be back in the territory of puzzled that doctors never seem to get out of...
As I say, I've been having to push on getting her to act on this. She has in return been screaming and yelling and crying at me (which, yes, is worse that the rest) and being less than pleasant to live with.
And the tests are scary and that makes everything worse.
Which is just another taster of what LIFE means to me at the moment. Also why it'd be pointless my going to see the doctor about the sleeping problems... I can hardly deny I'm a bit stressed lately.
So why blog this when I've not talked about it and don't particularly want to talk about it? Or about any of the rest?
The other day I heard another version of the 'Kat doesn't try' crap.
And I am just fucking sick of being told I don't try hard enough. That I should do more.
That bullshit was started by someone who did not have my best interests at heart and for their own reasons. And yes, for some other people it's a comfort...
Fuck you.
I do not have a lot of zen right now. Yeah, that's weak of me.
(Try something on and I will very likely go for your throat. Really, this would not be a good time for dominance games)
Sorry.
I've generally found that the nice people in the world grew up not that nice where niceness wasn't considered as a virtue.
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12:54 am - ...
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My mental gears are grinding really small to absolutely no purpose right now.
I heard from the Ombudsman (well the ombudsman's underling).
For the first page and a half of a two page letter he outlines the case, more or less dismisses the excuse Lloyd's gave for not refunding my money... and then introduces a whole new reason why Lloyd's is NOT liable.
The contract between buyer-credit card company-supplier doesn't exist here because the ombudsman has determined that making payment to the supplier is NOT entering into a contract with the supplier. Therefore the credit card company is not liable for the contract with the supplier being broken as there was no contract.
...
Lloyd's didn't claim this. At no point did either Consumer Direct or the Ombudsman's office mention it as a problem. For ten flipping months I have been advised repeatedly by government agencies to pursue a claim against the credit card company NOT the supplier.
There is serious irony here in that both Lloyd's and the Ombudsman were entirely happy with my being allowed to handle the phone calls/paperwork on behalf of my brother...
Anyhow, just so any Brits reading know... this get out clause for the credit card company applies ANY TIME one person makes arrangements or handles queries about a purchase for which another person pays. Which actually means, since I live in a three adult household, that most of the purchases we make have not had the oft advertised security of credit cards over cash payments. Every household item -- because my Mother is the homeowner of record -- every telephone and gas bill, every maintainance job, the bloody council tax... And yes, if I arranged a holiday and Resident Brother paid for it... not covered.
(And in case you're wondering, Resident Brother was there for every single meeting with TPS Ltd and there is no evidence available to the ombudsman to identify who was going to be the eventual 'owner' of the computer)
So, after ten months I'm back to exactly the place I was right after TPS Ltd refused the refund. Just older, tireder, and not sure how much longer I can 'borrow' the hated laptop for.
At least I did manage to phone up* and discover that I have seven working days to appeal the decision (though he couldn't think of any reason I would have to want to appeal -- which kind of makes me want to find one).
That's right... it took three months to get to the head of the queue and another to review the case... but I have seven days to get an appeal in to their office (not seven days to send it, seven days within which it must reach their desk)
...
And so I called Consumer Direct -- who were very cheery, assurred me that I had rights, and referred my case to Trading Standards, who will ring back to advise me on how I can pursue those rights (which I suspect means telling me to go to the small claims court because like many other rights on paper they don't stand up well in the face of people who don't give a fig about being fair and respecting them)
I've spent most of the day feeling very tired with the odd spurt of indignation -- so much of the last ten months has been about trying not to think about this stuff, and not to fret about the £534 I'm probably not going to get back, that I slip into a thought-place where I'm honestly wondering what I hope to gain from fighting, because whatever happens I'll still be back at square one having to buy a computer, and I have to remind myself that it would be nice to have the money to buy the computer (without having to go without buying other stuff like new shoes and paying my share of the council tax) and that Technology Products Solution Ltd RIPPED ME OFF.
...
People call me a pessimist when I don't assume that things will turn out right even if all the right is on ones side... I suspect a lot of people get to go through their lives without running into LIFE.
*oddly enough he recognised the case from just my name... which made me wonder how much work they actually do round there.
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| Friday, August 28th, 2009
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5:01 am - I Hear The Voices When I'm Dreaming...
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So today's an anniversary of sorts -- I did the formal nine weeks from now, but today's where I remember knowing I would have to do something, and that it didn't matter if I'd been acting under a misapprehension, or whether or not said misapprehension was deliberately created -- obligations happen and need to be acknowledged.
Three years.
The weeks and months flew by really worryingly, but it feels like forever and a day.
...
Unlike four seasons of Supernatural... which took no time at all :D
The answers to the apparantly most important questions for fans are --
Both, but as that'd likely weird Dean out... Dean.
I am really really enjoying the demon/angels plot.
And my reaction to Wincest is pretty much the same as Dean's* with added 'and this would not have to end really really badly in what rose-tint drenched universe of my-little-pony horror?'
Also I entirely don't mind that they use, and thus repopularise, a bunch of folklore things that I like using in stories... because they don't waste them**.
*"Come on, that's just sick..."
** And I've never been about to claim I invented things that are only stuff people have forgotten anyhow...
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| Sunday, August 23rd, 2009
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5:34 am - Carry On My Wayward Son
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I knew 'Supernatural' was a good friend by the end of series one -- but I knew I was in loff when Dean realised he had to let Sam shoot the werewolf.
(And hey, a series that tortures protags the way I like to *and* brings them back from the dead TO DO IT OVER AGAIN! -- maybe I'm not the only weirdo who likes that kind of thing :D )
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| Friday, August 21st, 2009
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2:34 am - No Names, No Pack Drill.
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Me: so, you're supposed to keep me distracted from all the boring and nasty...
Subconscious: I did! Am! What about Ivory and that whole fantasy world?
Me: that was last week.
Subconscious: ...
Me: o.o
Subconscious: just remember you asked for it...
Do not grump at your subconscious it can only end in tears -- or a story idea that involves (probably) inimical time-travelling alien invaders, a raid on a factory modifying stolen children, secret agents, more secret agents, amnesia, automatic writing, notMPD, PTSD, Koi carp, rice paper, practically mundane SF sensibilities (hah like I would!) an alternate reality Northern America (maybe), a supersekrit base, the Changed, a North North American agent, a rogue Ego, a Hand, an untested Subconscious... and Hickory Dickory Dock (tick tock, tick tock, tick...)
[it'd actually kind of like to be a graphc novel series... or three season arcs of a TV show... but since my subconscious appears to have hijacked this from whoever should be writing it so as to fill my current entertainment needs I am calling it a book idea -- okay a trilogy maybe]
I'd thank god that Tick Tock is massively overused as a title, only that leaves me in worse titling places. (And no one has names... apparantly I am having an existential crisis about naming characters - I may even get around to blogging about it)
[in recent TV watching news... Supernatural is fun, and yay Lafayette rediscovering a bit of agency (okay I have been saying 'regrowing a pair' :P )]
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| Tuesday, August 11th, 2009
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7:22 am - Grant Grant Grant!
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The good news keeps rolling in :)
Today's was that stillnotbored won the Columbus Literary Award for fiction with pages from her current novel in progress -- 'Delia's Shadow'.
This too, is not actually any kind of surprising...
Victory to the stubborn, the story, and the skillz! (Go genre hack!)
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| Monday, August 10th, 2009
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2:49 am - Hugo Hugo Hugo!
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Okay, I have the patience of a gnat for Hugo twittering -- and yes, I also thought it would be yesterday so I started off impatient :D
But the results were not as evil as could have been...
Of course no one would have put money against Ted Chiang winning.
Or Elizabeth Bear.
But it's still worth a rousing yay! that she did.
(sadly Charlie did not win :( )
(And Dr Who *didn't* win! I was so pleased. Yes, it is bad to cheer for someone to lose... and yes I did get to be bad)
Yay the winners... commiserations to the losers (well some of them) and now I can stop thinking about the Hugos till some night next year.
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| Thursday, August 6th, 2009
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11:30 am - Huh?
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So here I am failing to sleep*, again.
Mostly because of the phone call from the Ombudsman. Rush of adrenaline and a serious WTF. Because it's some weeks since I was sent a letter saying I'd been assigned a case officer and this guy tells me he's just now been assigned and starts off saying 'I haven't had time to look at the file, but it looks like Lloyd's are still considering their reply...'... At which point I tell him that they have already said they think I should accept the remedial work, then taken another nine weeks to say I can complain if I like, and that the last communication was to tell me that since I'd been mean enough to complain to the Ombudsman they weren't speaking to me anymore... He reconsiders and tells me that he'll send off a letter to me tonight with his name and contact details and any progress he's made by then... He sounded a lot more interested in reducing his workload by making cases go away, even temporarily, than championing consumer rights.
*edit for spineless whining that I get bloody annoyed at as soon as it's typed*
Yeah, not great healthwise, and still not good at patience or cheerfullness in the face of adversity...
...
But I just noticed that a letter I got from the US has dragonfly stamps on it.
You would not believe how many times dragonflies are turning up in my life at the moment. Dragonflies are pretty much the symbol of Innocent (it's a dragonfly larvae on one of the Innocent user pictures) and the last week or so they're appearing everywhere. I'm not sure if it's meant to be encouragement (or taunting) but the 'you notice them more because you're noticing them' explanation for this kind of thing probably doesn't work here -- since dragonflies would have been just as meaningful any time during the past three years, and I tend to like the dragonfly as a motif anyway so the increase in incidences of me noticing it are liable to indicate an increase in occurance rather than in significance...
Of course it's probably just the boring duty-first universe letting me know it wants Innocent finished before I run off to play with the wonderful amazing OMG that's just so much fun new idea for a series (an okay-this-is-kind-of-popularist set of shinies idea to boot) that's been providing hours of quiet distraction the past few days. (I so could talk about it for hours but I've had a timely reminder that writerfolk out there will steal original ideas and this book is making me so incredibly happy by being very old things made new... people who've read my stuff probably know it tends to chuck a bunch of shiny ideas together and/or see old things from my personal and very skewed world view, so if I say that what's downloading in my head is shinier and newer and makes me laugh out loud... yeah, this is the same but different. Someone steals this and I won't just grumble quietly)
And yes, one of those 'why I write explanations' that's true but that I don't talk about much is that there's nothing like having a whole new fantasy to distract from what ails you.
I could dream about winning the lottery and then hiring a lawyer and siccing him on TPS and Lloyd's but that lasts a moment. It's way more fun to be arguing over whether the secondary character who has been making you laugh since he got in your head gets to be in a wheelchair or not (see I think he figures the wheelchair will protect him from me... foolish boy)
Distraction is good...
So, with the other stuff pushed out of central processing into memory, it feels like it might be time to go fail at sleeping some more.
* It was looking promising and I need some better quality sleep, the napping is keeping me going but it doesn't catch me up.
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| Saturday, July 11th, 2009
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6:48 am - Torchwood
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| Friday, July 10th, 2009
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12:06 am - Ooo More Toothfulness
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Today was not a good day for dental work... I bled a lot. I bled for both fillings and that partly necessitated a change in the materials used for the hole under the crown that turned out to be deeper than expected. But then I may not have to worry about it not being the prettiest filling in the world because my dentist wasn't sure it would settle down and so might well need a more major intervention and root-filling. I am under orders to give it a little time to calm down and if it doesn't or 'kicks off' I am to come straight in (this delivered in the 'no I really really mean first signs of trouble' tone of voice). For a tooth that wasn't giving me any serious trouble before it's been a growly throbby beast since*. But, possibly, calming down a bit.
*it's the real bit of tooth that's unhappy, and that feels weird... it's like I can feel the crown as being something jammed over it, like a sore foot stuffed in a shoe.
Oh and BTW tonight's Torchwood episode... WTF? It looks like they decided to make the shift to BBC1 demonstrate everything non-SF watchers think SF does wrong AND do the very bad thing. Which is kind of bizarre because BBC1 and ITV1 had both seemingly moved on from always doing the very bad thing.
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| Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
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2:19 am - Full Of Grace
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You know, I can't recall now if I ever really believed Innocent would be an easy book to write -- I know I wanted something with a straight-forward top-story (in the vague hope that I could sell it for the top-story while sneaking in everything else under cover of the romance) but since even the romance is a bit challenging I'm not sure how many minutes I could have convinced myself it would be quick and easy mind-candy.
Next book will be the easy one.
I'm still trying to keep Innocent's top-story simple, though. Which makes it kind of hard to write. The latest hard bit being a conversation* on omniscience, prayer, and free will between the hero and... well... the hero.
When people talk about books being clair or noir, or consolatory versus whatever, or comedy versus tragedy (Shakespearean definition of)... I have to admit that most of mine aren't. Some days I kind of wish I could see the world that way, but as I don't... the stories I write aren't. I don't do happy chair-dancing world-saving and I don't do over-angsty everyone dies. (Or happy chair-dancing everyone dies and over-angsty world-saving, for that matter) I'm half-glass girl. (In EO the nice guys destroy each other/themselves, in Middlemost the wrong choices end up saving the world and I just flat out say that 'happy' and 'ending' are value judgements, and in Innocent... )
Innocent is the story of the end of a story, the POV characters being surrounded by backstory that's shaped their lives and which they're trapped into. It's a boy meets girl and saves her from the dragon story where the boy saves the girl, and the girl saves the boy, and then the guy who started the big story saves them and... maybe... himself. Because the top-story hero and heroine can't save themselves... not that they don't try, but there's more to it than killing the monster. It's complicated.
So yesterday I stumbled over a song the not-hero (Edwin Samael) claimed like a pin claiming a magnet -- Sarah McLachlan's Full of Grace -- which I then found on Youtube and am playing obsessively (as you do). That's how I discovered an earlier version of the song -- Fall From Grace -- which Samael also grabbed, as more perfectly describing his past/present (and no, I really don't plan to write a book about his past, what's in Innocent is probably most of what readers will get, although I know a more, with more depth, than I'll be able to fit in -- the prequel to Innocent is the book informally known as Mud, which features a different one of the not-minor characters during WW1, whereas Samael's story is back in the 1780s)
Fall From Grace.
The winter here's cold and bitter, it's chilled us to the bone,
I haven't seen the sun for weeks, too long too far from home,
I feel just like I'm sinking and I claw for solid ground,
I'm pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
But oh darkness, I feel like letting go.
But all of the strength, all of the courage couldn't lift me from this place.
I know I can love you much better than this.
I fall from grace.
Fall from grace.
It's better this way, I said, haven't seen this place before,
Where everything we say and do, hurts us all the more,
It's just that we've stayed too long in the same old sickly skin,
Pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I can feel so low,
And, oh darkness, I feel like letting go.
But all of the strength, all of the courage couldn't lift me from this place,
Together we crumble and stumble and fall...
Fall from grace. Fall.
I know I can love you much better than this,
So it's better this way...
The later version is
Full Of Grace.
The winter here's cold and bitter, it's chilled us to the bone,
I haven't seen the sun for weeks, too long too far from home,
I feel just like I'm sinking and I claw for solid ground,
I'm pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
Oh darkness, I feel like letting go.
If all of the strength, and all of the courage, come and lift me from this place.
I know I can love you much better than this.
Full of grace. Full of grace, my love.
It's better this way, I said, haven't seen this place before,
Where everything we say and do, hurts us all the more,
It's just that we stay too long in the same old sickly skin,
Pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And, oh darkness, I feel like letting go.
If all of the strength, and all of the courage, come and lift me from this place,
I know I can love you much better than this.
Full of grace.
I know I can love you much better than this.
It's better this way...
And yes, the top-story is a romance... and Samael is where he is because he fell in love.
And, I do find there being two versions of the song curious. Fateful even. I don't usually find a whole lot of music to make up specific playlists, and Innocent has been particularly unmusical (it likes 'When Water Comes to Life' as well, but shares that a bit more with Mud and Ashes... the way Ashes shares 'On the Other Side').
And after I'd played it a couple of times, Jacob started singing with Fall From Grace and hoping I'll find a way to help him get just a little closer to version two -- there's even less of him in the book than Samael, and most of that is bad. (The rest of his story... wouldn't fit.) But I think I can give him a chance.
::grins::
Anyhow, right after I knew how Jacob's story ends, and that I've ended up feeling sorry for him, I understood how Innocent fits with Mud and Ashes. It's always been a bit of a puzzle to me how I ended up with a WW1 prequel -- well I know the mechanics but... -- and a WW2 sequel, to a book about a peaceful village. Now I have a feel for the connection, from one little bit of conversation between the two heroes and some sympathy for the devil... Innocent is the small scale example for the big-picture in Ashes... and if I want to write that story, and ever write Ashes, I'm going to have to try and sympathise with the bad guys in there as well.
I learnt a lot about this book and its kin in the past twenty-four hours.
Doesn't make it any easier to write, though :D
*where conversation is a couple of exchanges** before we get to the 'this is my plan/your plan can't work' bit
** including another reference to rabbits... I swear I didn't know I was writing a Watership Down homage (until, yesterday, I was reminded of Bigwig and the shining wire and am now describing Innocent as The Wicker Man meets Brigadoon meets Watership Down) :D
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